The Fight for My Best Friend

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The Fight for My Best Friend
Above is the link for Hershey’s go fund me. I’ve updated it since last week as of today. My best friend went to heaven on the 9th.

The update :
On Thursday, April 9 2015 Hershey went to heaven. As we were on our way to pick my baby up, the surgeon called saying she was having some trouble 30 minutes prior to us being on the way. Once there, she was wheeled on a gurney with IV fluids running and she had trouble breathing. Emotions flooded and I started to cry. She was very much in pain and struggling. They gave us an option to try to give her a blood transfusion over night and give her oxygen. We didn’t know how we were going to pay for it as the bill preview was about $2000 but we decided we were going to fight one more day. When we told the assistants our decision, they were starting her oxygen and working with her in the back. Fight till the end or fight till tomorrow was how we thought at the moment. I wanted Hershey to know her family will fight for her until the end. An hour passed and the vets told us that she was crashing and not responding to anything. At that time I knew something worse was going to happen. They said they were going to keep her alive as long as possible to get anyone who wanted to see her there ASAP. The final decision was to let her “sleep” and wake up in heaven. We were there kissing and hugging her as she left us for her “real home” in heaven. It’s been hard for the past 2 weeks and the house has been empty and so has the back seat of my truck. That day, I felt like I failed my best friend. Our family was seeing shadows of her, hearing her bark at 3am and I even thought she was breathing next to me one morning as she has a very distinct breathing pattern when sleeping. It’s taken us a little to accept that Hershey is no longer in pain and is better now and eating whatever she wants.

Yesterday, I picked up her urn and paw print impression. The clay had some of her hair in it. I almost broke down. As soon as I got home, I baked her impression and put up her urn on the shelf we purchased Saturday night. When I was buying that, I never thought I would have ever had to. However, although I know she is actually in heaven, at least her ashes are home with us.

This morning: Her surgeon woke me up to tell me the results came back and it definitely was Hemangiosarcoma. The mass was so big it’s probably been there for a while. The biopsy of her liver showed hepatitis as well. Animal instinct is to hide illness as a survival tactic. My baby survived through so much and we didn’t even know until the end. She fought for her life to be with us as did we. We fought a good fight. Hershey lived a long, healthy and loving life. I will never get over it but I will heal eventually. If you have any pets, make sure they have a good life with you. They are your family and best friends. Hershey will be in my heart until even after I die. We grew up together and we still will. We’re just in 2 different places until we reunite and my life on earth or up will finally be complete.

I will keep this campaign up as I still am not sure how I am going to pay for the remaining bills. The amount I owe may seem small and petty to others but I am in a different stance in this part of my life. If anyone wants to contribute still to Hershey’s bill fund, it is extremely appreciated.

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Hershey the Beagle/My Other Half is Sick. Gofundme.com/helpsavehershey

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Hello everyone! I probably won’t be posting up anything related to my usual beauty categories due to a certain struggle going on…

My dog Hershey has been with my family since I was 11 years old. She was 8 months when we got her. I’m 24 now so we’ve had her for quite some time. At the moment she is in a hospital. She’s post-op spleenectomy as of yesterday due to an extremely large mass. When they said it might be Hemangiosarcoma (a very aggressive and rapid cancer), I broke down hard. Hershey hasn’t been herself for about 2 weeks. She loves food and hasn’t even cared for treats waved in her face. This week has been the hardest for my family.

Hershey before :

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Hershey now:

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I’ve never thought I would have to but I have started a Gofundme campaign for her. I didn’t realize how vet bills were so different from humans. Everything is upfront unlike our bill later stuff. We had to drop $5,000 Monday night (4/6/2015). The whole story from beginning to end is on there. I’ll be updating throughout this tough journey as well.

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Help Save Hershey

I wrote the description at 2am this morning and got no sleep. It killed me yesterday when I put the key to my front door and didn’t see her through the glass. It’s honestly hard to be without her…

For those who don’t feel like clicking the link but don’t mind a long, detailed read, I’ll put it below.

COPY & PASTED FROM HESHEY’S GOFUNDME:

Pictured is Hershey, my tri-colored beagle. When I was 11, my family found her on a site called Pet Finder. She was located at the VBSPCA. She was 8 months old at the time. We were told that another family wanted her but if anything changed, they’d notify us. We didn’t hear back so my parents called but no one picked up the phone. My dad decided we were just going to go see what was up because I really wanted her. We then found out that the other family didn’t even bother with her so she was ours. That was the day I knew she was meant for my family. I’m 24 now so she’s been a family member for bout 13 years.

A little about Hershey:
-She loves food. I mean LOVES it! We’ve had so many mishaps of her and food, I can’t even count! She’s gotten herself stuck in the lid of trashcan before so every day, we MUST put something heavy over the trash lid so she can’t dumpster dive. You can’t eat specifically a Mcchicken around her or she’ll try to ninja her way in.
-Her favorite outing is anywhere aslong as she can stick her head out for a smell buffet, she’s a happy girl.
-Hershey absolutely HATES fighting. She LOVES peace. If she ever hears raised voices or any form of anger, she will run away. She’ll find the nearest open door and hide until it’s quiet again.

What’s happening as of recent :
For a few days, we’ve notices she’s been lethargic. She’s been lazier than usual and just not herself. Each day got worse. She didn’t care for food. That’s when it really hit that something was wrong… She even refused treats (beggin strips are her fav) and that never happens. She just slept a lot and it would take forever to try to coerce her to get up and come outside to use the bathroom. My baby just seemed so sad…

This week:
My sibling and I took her to the vet this Monday (4/6/2015). They took an X-ray of her abdomen and got some labs. They saw a mass in her spleen, her white blood cell count was very high and she was very anemic. The vet cautioned us and wrote a referral for an emergency hospital to get her checked out further. Our vet bill was $408. My bro covered the 300 and I had to charge $108 on my credit card due to being very broke and working only 3 days a week. My bro had to go to work and I ended up taking Hershey to the ER myself.

At the ER:
After being put in a room, she was taken to recheck her glucose because they said it was low in the labs. I waited a very long time for the girl to tell me it was fine and they were gonna keep her in the treatment area till the Dr saw her. I was about to have an anxiety attack while waiting. Then the girl came back in and asked if I wanted them to start the ultra sound and chest x-ray or wait for the Dr. The bill already showed $115 for the visit and $400 something for the ultrasound. I said I wanted to wait. I didn’t know how much it would all cost so I frantically called my bro seeing if he can somehow get out of work to help with decisions because of how broke I am and they don’t “bill later” like human hospitals. The vet finally came to tell me she thinks it might be Hemangiosarcoma which is a rapid and deadly cancer with a prognosis of 3-6 months post op. I broke down infront of the vet and couldn’t help it. My brother called back and said tell them to do what they gotta do and he’ll try to get off work. Crying, I waited and waited then he finally said he was allowed to leave and come to the hospital. Him, my mom and my bf finally came and they told us that the next step would be taking out her spleen for the mass cytology as well as a liver biopsy. We were all crying at the thought of everything including the cost. I have a care credit card that was already almost maxed due to emergency dental work and as much as I didn’t think of my payment aftermath, I asked if they could try to get an increase for me. I got embarrassed at the counter when I got asked how much my income was as of right now. Surprisingly I got a small increase. They told us the base price of her surgery would be $5000. We had to put a $4500 deposit down because she was staying over night. I could only put $3 something down and maxed my card and my brother paid the remaining $1400. It took me forever to sign the papers because I was crying so much. I didn’t know how much my monthly payment would be as I’m already struggling paycheck to paycheck. The lady came to get her and Hershey acted like she didn’t want to go but we got her to get up finally. I was there from 4pm-9pm.

This morning:
We went to see her before her surgery (about noon, surgery was supposed to be 1 or 2pm). She seemed so tired and didn’t move much. She laid on her side on the floor and shook on inhale. I tried not to cry. As I sat next to her, it broke my heart that I wanted to pull her close but couldn’t because Hershey has IV ports bandaged to her front left leg. We called the assistant to get her so we didn’t hold them up for surgery prep. I got a call from the surgeon around 5pm (4/7/2015) saying her surgery went well but the mass was very large with nodules and didn’t look like the normal Hemangiosarcoma tumors they normally see so we have to wait for the results. Apparently, her liver was also diseased looking so we’d be waiting for the results for that too. She said she’d call me in the morning for an update. It’s 2:24 am as I’m writing this dreading that call in a few hours. I have no idea what will happen from here on out, how much more money will need to be spent, or how I’m going to pay my carecredit back. We’re doing all we can because Hershey is our family. She’s not just something to play with or for entertainment. She’s there when we come home and she’s there to comfort and listen. She is the best napping and eating buddy there is in our lives. Anything at all will help. I mean, ANYTHING. I just really hope it’s not terminal. I’ve always said I’d go before she does. I wish she could talk and told me something was wrong and if she’s ever in pain. I love Hershey that much and I’ll do what I can to help her. Even if it’s just kind words of comfort, it’s appreciated.

Yup, that’s what’s going on.
If any of you are animal /dog lovers, you’ll know how my family feels and how hard this is.

Anyway, sorry to sadden your reader feed but thought I’d share<3

Think of Me and Forget Me Not

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Running on a belt, going the distance but I’m still here.

Familiarity, close to home, the kind of things I want to keep near.

 Like every last drop of honey in a jar,  I’m stuck.

Come pull me out, come and get me. No? I must be love struck.

The last piece of the puzzle, so close, right there.

I know you’ll have no answers, no matter how deep I stare.

When I feel the urge to hate, it’s because I love a lot.

I’m running, huffing, out of breath with each night that passed and we fought.

I always think it’s just so damn simply put.

Each second passing, I’m hoping I won’t be brushed off like soot.

I delve deep into being an unnecessary, necessary article, pushed to the side.

We never really know if there are rules to follow for this, but it doesn’t matter… we never tend to abide.

Defiant, defiantly straight,

Shall I set down my foolishness and forget that it was ever fate?

My tongue is so numb, cotton mouth with every verbalized notion.

What’s killing us is the silent, natural erosion.

Emitting light at the end of the tunnel, so brightly set,

I’m hoping each struggling day together that we won’t regret the day we met.

It’s all like the nicotine I press between my pout, rising against my flesh,

We never end up realizing it’s all there, just hiding like when you’re looking through mesh.

A few small words can cause such a clatter.

Am I invisibly obnoxious? Do you see that I’m telling you what’s the matter?

A shot to the chest, a blow to the head is arising with defiance.

Were we wrong to think we would even make such an alliance?

Tell this girl, am I just a dumbfounded waste of time?

It’s too early in the morning, I can’t think, I can’t rhyme.

Do you walk away? So you pretend like it was never there?

It honestly shouldn’t  have taken all of these horrible nights to show me that you still care.

I just wanted to know if you still think of me the way you used to.

I can’t forget the first time you hooked me, telling me what you’d never do.

I remember the first time you kissed me, telling me you’ve been wanting to do it for quite some time.

I’ve always felt the safest with you, never knowing that my emotions were so naive, so reckless, how can my heart commit such a crime?

I feel like I’m the ringing in your ears, always there but always to be pretended like I wasn’t.

I’ve ran in circles, using up credit of new ideas to fix this. I really thought I found the way to make us work. To my dismay, it just terribly doesn’t.

Well, we let everything happen. I’d like to say it all just slipped through stiff fingers.

I’ve always been able to wait, no matter how many lingers.

These dense, matte lashes that I wear so beautifully, they’re like a natural train wreck on the canvas.

The tears are portals to an unspoken language. I’m hurting, I’m oh so envious.

This heart hurts. Will anyone come save me?

They say rely on yourself, but all of my decisions are like poison, so deadly.

We’re just a beautiful tragedy, playing in slow motion on the screen.

I’m longing for the days we can smile and feel ever so serene.

You are everything I cry about. You are everything I’ve always wanted and more.

I don’t know what it is about you. Even if the bolded words fall flat and crumble, in an instance, your face is the one I still adore.

It’s been a while now… I hope you still see me.

I’m standing right infront of you, do you have anything to say? Is there anything you want me to see? 

You’ve always told me to not let anyone, including you make me quit.

I’m still standing here, looking back at you from an undeniably frightening tar pit.
 
  I jump to these conclusions of heart pulling, a deafening slice.

It’s still just us, so talk to me. Tell me you want to throw this away… throw me away. Are a few small words really worth the price? 

You ask me if I think we’re going to last. You abruptly answer you don’t think so.

I always have the same answer: I honestly don’t know.

Have you given up? Have you thrown me away?

Maybe one day I’ll find the answers. Maybe I’ll realize one day…that I loved the wrong way. That’s the reason why you didn’t stay.

Dear Mr. The one who I gave everything to

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Whether I’m thick or thin, my bones protrude.

My heart spills out whether you’re nice or rude.

Do I need to hide it all away?

What’s the point if you made the decision to stay?

Stuck in a daze, I don’t know if I’m coming or going,

The broken pieces stay shredded, even if I decide to keep sewing.

Am I just that naive to keep going?

A bolt lock safe is no better than a mere chain locket.

Maybe I’ll forget today and stuff who I am into my pocket.

I know I’ll just vomit out the wrong words again tomorrow.

Then again, who really cares if what you call foolishness is really just sorrow?

I’m stuck inside of this jagged, protruding silhouette.

I can’t fly away. I’m just going to get tangled again inside of your net.

We’ve always known love wasn’t easy.

It doesn’t matter if all of your light hearted jokes stay cheesy.

Sorry is just a mass produced notion of regret.

Sometimes I don’t know if you mean it. Sometimes I just hope to forget.

I need to learn that not everyone can love the way you want.
I know that each time I fall deeper, I know I have mistaken your taunt.

Do you want me the way that I want you?

Am I just the dumb one between us, no matter how hard I cry, no matter what I do?

Each day I attempt to push myself to not frown.

Each memory, each thought, it just always pushes me down.

How do I forget the past?

Will I ever know if we’ll ever truly last?

I’ve loved you since before I was able to legally drink.

Now that I’m older, I’m intoxicated on something you can’t physically pour out into the kitchen sink.

I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.

I know each time I cry, you find the situation an absolute, repetitive bore.

My dear Mr… Did you know when we’re not sleeping next to each other, I push a pillow to my back to feel you there?

Did you know that when you’re gone, I count the time till the next text you’ll send to show me that you care?

Is it sad that I’m still hopeful about us?

Is it bad that I want you even when we fight and fuss?

Sometimes I hate feeling like I need you.

Sometimes I hate knowing you may never ask me to say “I do”.

I need to know now…

Who I am and who you want me to be, is it the same girl?

Do you find it okay to watch my insides hurt and twirl?

I love you, I really do. One day, maybe you’ll finally see.

I’ve loved you even the first time you broke me.

I still loved you, even the last time you made me cry for hours steadily.

I want us to be okay.

I’m not just saying that to get you to stay.

I know you’re tired, so am I.

My heart couldn’t take it though, if I found out any of this was just a lie.

You’ve made me feel euphoric radiance.

I’ve always regret the times I had to test your patience.

No matter how we push each other down, I can’t let this go.

I don’t know if I’m stupid. I really don’t know.

I want to hold it together, but I know that I’m falling apart.

I know that you see it and want to walk away. It’s okay, it’s hard to believe love is just a dying art.

I want to know if I’m really just mean and hateful.

I acknowledge my wrong doings, all the things that make me feel regretful.

You might not believe that I know when I mess things up. I know I’m not a perfect mate.

I admit, I fuck up a lot. I might have led you to see someone else on our first date.

You should know me by now and how I feel about you.

When you decide to say fuck it, I’m always panicked, not knowing what I’m going to do.

So tell me, what should I do? Should I change who I am, stay the same? Should I just wait for your cue?

All of the late nights we bruised and cried, I’m sorry for all that I am and all that I can be.

I’m sorry for all of the silent car rides, and all of your angry facial expressions on the phone that you wish I could see.

In all of the years, we’ve gone through happiness and beyond, even the times when we thought we belonged together, we really thought we knew. We’ve even gone through hell and even said a handful of times “fuck this, I’m through!”

I just want to let you know that no matter what’s happened between us, I appreciate it all. I really don’t want to see what a broken heart can really do.

Wooahhhh 2014!

Yup, that’s Balut. That’s what I ate on New Years and yes I sobered up before eating it. For those against it, keep it to yourself kthx 🙂

Hello fellow bloggers! Yes, I haven’t been on WP since July 2013. Geebuz, it’s been that long? I’m surprised to still be getting notifications! I want to thank all of the readers that has scanned my posts over the time I’ve been away! A lot has gone on in the past few months…aka life lol. You all know how that goes, right? Right.

I haven’t even been thrifting lately or doing my nails =/ I don’t know what’s happened! However, I know I’m going to kick it in high gear soon and get back to “me”. It’s always good when you get back to “you”. Don’t lose yourself like I have!

I do however have certain pics and what not from my previous adventures and will be posting em’ when I get the chance. I’m pretty sure they may not be in any specific order, so hope ya’ll don’t mind =/

I’m looking forward for more hauls, more posts, and maybe a few new other things along the way. Are ya’ll ready for this year? I am!!

The Love Letter; Love Is…

Domo fight =/

Love is doing things for someone you wouldn’t normally do

Whether it’s physical, materialistic or emotionally, it’s not a question of who. It’s “Baby I’ll do it for you.”

Love is being there even when you’re filled with rage.

it’s not getting over it. It’s not throwing it under the rug. It’s not just acting your age.

Love is holding someone close even when you don’t understand why it seems like their world is crashing down.

It doesn’t matter if you get it or not. You don’t ever want to see them frown.

Love is making time no matter how busy you are.

At some point, you’ve made them a top priority.

Neglecting by means of excuses and not reasons can only get you so far.

Love is not a game…although sometimes it seems like it is though.

You don’t have a certain number of “lives” or “hearts” you lose. There is no “hack”. The other person put down enough time. How much of their heart, you’ll never know.

Love is not wanting to see or hear someone cry.

Even if it’s condescending and annoying, you’re not them. You don’t know what makes them feel like they’re going to die. 

Love is more than just sex.

It’s a middle of the day “baby, I’m lucky to have you” text.

Love is pouring your heart out, even if you don’t know how.

Even if you’re not that “type” of person, you should try. Otherwise, you won’t know how to make a future vow.

Love is trying harder and harder each time.

It doesn’t matter if you fail. You try and try until your outcome is sublime.

Love is not giving up.

Even if it’s always hard, set higher goals. It’s not best to leave a half empty cup.

Love is rough.

No matter what’s going on, no matter what isn’t, once you realize things, you’ll know no one else will ever love you enough.

Love is frustrating.

You get upset. You cry. You get mad. You walk away.

If it’s real love, you’ll come back. You’ll try again. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, but you’ll hope that there’s a better day.

Love is not giving up when it seems like it’ll all just fall apart

I don’t know how many other ways that I can say it. I don’t know how many other ways I can give you my heart.

Love is not pushing me away.

You don’t know how many times I’ve died inside when I haven’t heard “Baby, I want you to stay.”

Love is holding me tight.

It doesn’t matter who’s fault. The little things have their way of making things right.

Love is not ignoring me when you’re mad.

It doesn’t help the situation. it doesn’t fix how we feel. It just makes things even more sad.

Love is give and take.

I try my best everyday to change the little things that turn into tears. I try so hard in so many ways to show you how I feel. Just try a little too, for our sake.

Love is catching someone when they fall.

For whatever reason, don’t beat me when I’m down on the ground.

Yeah, I’ve made you mad. I’ve made you a lot of things. I’ve always promised to try harder and I have yet to not given it my all.

Love is wanting only them.

Even if there are other people out there with different qualities than us, you know there’s something that your other half has that the rest of the world won’t. That’s the main reason why you fell in the first place. That’s why they’ve shone out of all of the rocks like a gem.

Love is attempting to understand the things you can’t understand.

It’s irritating and makes you just want to give up, let go and get out. Then again, think about this…have they tried to understand you even if they were on their last strand?

Love is not letting someone feel alone.

It doesn’t matter if they’re scared to feel alone or not. Not a lot of people still have one another. if they’re next to you, be lucky and let it be known.

Alone is feeling empty inside.

It’s missing you even if you’re an arm’s length away. I love you, no matter how many times for you I’ve cried.

You can’t always explain why you love someone. You can’t always show how you feel.

Just know that they’ve tried hard for you. They still decide to stay even when they don’t know what it is about you. We learn, we hurt, we cope, we try, and we cry. That’s how you know it’s real.

I know I’m different from all of the other girls. There are better and there are worse than me. You might think that there’s better out there. Even if you don’t know and neither do I, there’s a reason why you’re still here.

You’ve promised a lot and you’ve broken some here and there.

You don’t get why I do a lot of things. You never have anything to say. You get so upset. You’ve pushed me away. Why is it that we still don’t understand why we still stay?

I’m still here after so many tears.

I don’t always get it. I don’t always think it all through, but I know that losing you is one of my most greatest fears.

If you’ve been shown that you’re worth all of the trouble to someone no matter how hard it gets, do your part. Do what you can with what you have and build on it. Do it with no regrets, because love is a dying art.

It’s Quiet Again

Written on paper 8/8/12

It’s quiet again…

The house are slipping.

The ones who say “all the time in the world” don’t know they’re just tripping.

The wind is growing cool once more.

Leaves will start to turn.

Summer loves fight to still burn.

Beautiful tragedies swirling all around.

Sitting again, there’s still no sound.

Running left to right, damn I’m so tired.

Night falls deep, I’m still not inspired.

Ignore the site of solidity, tranquil, so certain.

Hours pass more, I’ve got the mind of Tim Burton.

Beats start slowing down, fingers still trembling.

The feeling is so sharp, the edge is so serrated.

No matter how you fight for it, the words are so outdated.

Try not to slip and fall, because I’m tired of always falling down.

Sadness strifes to anger, adrenaline rushes through my veins.

Thoughts running on the highway, not looking when switching lanes.

Fly-by heart break, no more tender tendencies.

No more soft secret, no brands on the heart,

I’m losing it, trying my hardest not to be ripped apart.

The last strands, so tenaciously stuck,

I really, really..don’t want to not give a …..

 

Someday

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Yeah she smiles from time to time,

She laughs, she giggles, she’ll drink a corona with lime.

She’ll chill, she’ll make jokes, she can be your best friend.

She’s so smooth, she’s so cool, until everything in her world feels like it’s about to end.

When everything comes crashing down like a wave,

still no one realizes everything she gave.

She tries her hardest to understand,

she tries her hardest to take what you recommend,

but still there’s that feeling inside that takes a while to go away,

but deep down no matter how she acts, she just hopes you’ll decide to stay.

She’s so fucked in the head

but no one knows all about her past.

She’s been beaten down, her heart still healing in a cast.

When the sun rises and goes down,

it’s the same shit all over again.

But no one knows, no one knows, it’s about to begin.

When the tears fall from her doll like eyes,

she waits for a dramatic surprise

of bitching and cursing and being tortured inside.

Heart rate dropping, veins throbbing and then some more.

Seriously, you have no idea how this girl has been torn

Like salvation in the process, or a bandaid covering the wound

She needs you there, she needs you here, and that’s all you can do.

It hurts her when she knows there’s something wrong with you,

even if it’s not her, she feels what you feel

and still you don’t know what she goes through.

It happens all of a sudden,

it happens almost every day,

when she cries in silence in the corner, she doesn’t know what to say.

When you’re distant from her, she can feel the space in between.

All she wants is for you to treat her heart like a queen.

For once in her life make her feel like it’s not her fault

because you know she won’t take what you say with a grain of salt.

Her insides twisting and her stomach turning with each moment of silence

She needs anything besides being stared at by the audience.

Pay close attention, listen as close as possible

because every day in her life is another scene of mission impossible.

On the days that seem like she’s alright, she’s okay, 

just take that in consideration because those will be the best of your days,

when she’s slowing down, watch each and every phrase.

She’ll give up everything just as long as you give her a little of your time and attention

and if it’s not going through, just keep going, don’t put her feelings in detention.

She can shine brighter than anything you’ve ever seen.

She’d rather be the one hurt just so you can finally say “I know what you mean”.

She’s trying her hardest, if you still don’t have the heart to notice.

Be her knight, be her hero, be the one that gives her the most focus.

Be with her, kiss her, hug her, don’t leave her…

because the day you do, you’ll realize you’ll never be happy again either.

 

Sincerely, 

         Me ; Jade Monton. 

 

Nice to Make Your Acquaintance, Stranger

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Hey stranger, have we met?
Yeah, I think a few times. No, not yet?
Well, my name is whatever you want it to be.
I’ll fill you in on a few things, just not all verbally.
I tend to fidget when I’m nervous, can you already tell?
I try best to make eye contact with you, eyebrows parallel.
What are you thinking about me? Am I what you expected?
No, huh? That’s fine, I’ll always stand corrected.

Hey stranger, what’s wrong? Do I look fine to you?
Am I not as easy on the eyes as you’ve dreamt?
I’m sorry I’m not perfect. How can I fix it, what do you want me to do?

Hey stranger, do you understand what I’m saying?
Does my tone throw you off? I guess its how my words are laying.
Should I stay silent in your presence? Should I stay meek?
Should I raise my voice, or dare not to speak?
My thoughts may not be worth a damn, even to a stranger like you.

Hey stranger, you expect a lot. You expect too soon, too much.
Each time you look at me, judging me, I’m needing a crutch.
I’m not fit for you, to even be acquaintances .
I’d rather stay quiet, we’ll keep our distances.
I can only give you as much as you’ll take.
If I give more, my heart will be next to break.

Hey stranger, this is goodbye.
Turn the other way. Keep your thoughts to yourself..or not.
You don’t always get what you want, you work with what you can.
Your thoughts can go deeper, further than your eyes can pan.

The Quiet Things that No One Ever Knows


In the dead of night,

sometimes I want to sneak out and discover new things like I did back then.

Sometimes, I just want to go away and I don’t mean being talked to by strange men.

I want to run away like I wished in my angry youth.

Pissed at the world and have nothing but a book bag and these sneakers.

The problem is, now that I’m 22, I feel no different from that time.

Nothing at the moment can ease me, not even through these cheap speakers.

Yeah, life happens. Shit does too.

In my world, the world sits on me. I’ve been struggling, shit, if you only knew.

I just want to get away. If not physically then mentally and emotionally.

I’ll attempt to go through by reading the past and the future, and writing my own silent philosophy.

Only in that little book hidden in my room holds all of the past that hasn’t left me.

One day, I won’t have to run away from it. One day, it’ll just let me be.

I’ll just scribble away, telling no one what I know or don’t.

Ignore the fact that I’ve been pushed and thrown.

I’ll stand up stronger one day.

I’ll push back and prevail.

Others may have been in the “same boat” as I, yet not all of them have already had the ship set sail.

I’m tired, I always am in so many ways.

One day I’ll know what’s up, I’ll understand why.

For now, I’ll say what I always do, “I’ll give it a couple of days.”

The Quiet Screaming-Legion of Doom-Brand New Vs. Dashboard Confessionals mashup