Think of Me and Forget Me Not

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Running on a belt, going the distance but I’m still here.

Familiarity, close to home, the kind of things I want to keep near.

 Like every last drop of honey in a jar,  I’m stuck.

Come pull me out, come and get me. No? I must be love struck.

The last piece of the puzzle, so close, right there.

I know you’ll have no answers, no matter how deep I stare.

When I feel the urge to hate, it’s because I love a lot.

I’m running, huffing, out of breath with each night that passed and we fought.

I always think it’s just so damn simply put.

Each second passing, I’m hoping I won’t be brushed off like soot.

I delve deep into being an unnecessary, necessary article, pushed to the side.

We never really know if there are rules to follow for this, but it doesn’t matter… we never tend to abide.

Defiant, defiantly straight,

Shall I set down my foolishness and forget that it was ever fate?

My tongue is so numb, cotton mouth with every verbalized notion.

What’s killing us is the silent, natural erosion.

Emitting light at the end of the tunnel, so brightly set,

I’m hoping each struggling day together that we won’t regret the day we met.

It’s all like the nicotine I press between my pout, rising against my flesh,

We never end up realizing it’s all there, just hiding like when you’re looking through mesh.

A few small words can cause such a clatter.

Am I invisibly obnoxious? Do you see that I’m telling you what’s the matter?

A shot to the chest, a blow to the head is arising with defiance.

Were we wrong to think we would even make such an alliance?

Tell this girl, am I just a dumbfounded waste of time?

It’s too early in the morning, I can’t think, I can’t rhyme.

Do you walk away? So you pretend like it was never there?

It honestly shouldn’t  have taken all of these horrible nights to show me that you still care.

I just wanted to know if you still think of me the way you used to.

I can’t forget the first time you hooked me, telling me what you’d never do.

I remember the first time you kissed me, telling me you’ve been wanting to do it for quite some time.

I’ve always felt the safest with you, never knowing that my emotions were so naive, so reckless, how can my heart commit such a crime?

I feel like I’m the ringing in your ears, always there but always to be pretended like I wasn’t.

I’ve ran in circles, using up credit of new ideas to fix this. I really thought I found the way to make us work. To my dismay, it just terribly doesn’t.

Well, we let everything happen. I’d like to say it all just slipped through stiff fingers.

I’ve always been able to wait, no matter how many lingers.

These dense, matte lashes that I wear so beautifully, they’re like a natural train wreck on the canvas.

The tears are portals to an unspoken language. I’m hurting, I’m oh so envious.

This heart hurts. Will anyone come save me?

They say rely on yourself, but all of my decisions are like poison, so deadly.

We’re just a beautiful tragedy, playing in slow motion on the screen.

I’m longing for the days we can smile and feel ever so serene.

You are everything I cry about. You are everything I’ve always wanted and more.

I don’t know what it is about you. Even if the bolded words fall flat and crumble, in an instance, your face is the one I still adore.

It’s been a while now… I hope you still see me.

I’m standing right infront of you, do you have anything to say? Is there anything you want me to see? 

You’ve always told me to not let anyone, including you make me quit.

I’m still standing here, looking back at you from an undeniably frightening tar pit.
 
  I jump to these conclusions of heart pulling, a deafening slice.

It’s still just us, so talk to me. Tell me you want to throw this away… throw me away. Are a few small words really worth the price? 

You ask me if I think we’re going to last. You abruptly answer you don’t think so.

I always have the same answer: I honestly don’t know.

Have you given up? Have you thrown me away?

Maybe one day I’ll find the answers. Maybe I’ll realize one day…that I loved the wrong way. That’s the reason why you didn’t stay.

Dear Mr. The one who I gave everything to

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Whether I’m thick or thin, my bones protrude.

My heart spills out whether you’re nice or rude.

Do I need to hide it all away?

What’s the point if you made the decision to stay?

Stuck in a daze, I don’t know if I’m coming or going,

The broken pieces stay shredded, even if I decide to keep sewing.

Am I just that naive to keep going?

A bolt lock safe is no better than a mere chain locket.

Maybe I’ll forget today and stuff who I am into my pocket.

I know I’ll just vomit out the wrong words again tomorrow.

Then again, who really cares if what you call foolishness is really just sorrow?

I’m stuck inside of this jagged, protruding silhouette.

I can’t fly away. I’m just going to get tangled again inside of your net.

We’ve always known love wasn’t easy.

It doesn’t matter if all of your light hearted jokes stay cheesy.

Sorry is just a mass produced notion of regret.

Sometimes I don’t know if you mean it. Sometimes I just hope to forget.

I need to learn that not everyone can love the way you want.
I know that each time I fall deeper, I know I have mistaken your taunt.

Do you want me the way that I want you?

Am I just the dumb one between us, no matter how hard I cry, no matter what I do?

Each day I attempt to push myself to not frown.

Each memory, each thought, it just always pushes me down.

How do I forget the past?

Will I ever know if we’ll ever truly last?

I’ve loved you since before I was able to legally drink.

Now that I’m older, I’m intoxicated on something you can’t physically pour out into the kitchen sink.

I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.

I know each time I cry, you find the situation an absolute, repetitive bore.

My dear Mr… Did you know when we’re not sleeping next to each other, I push a pillow to my back to feel you there?

Did you know that when you’re gone, I count the time till the next text you’ll send to show me that you care?

Is it sad that I’m still hopeful about us?

Is it bad that I want you even when we fight and fuss?

Sometimes I hate feeling like I need you.

Sometimes I hate knowing you may never ask me to say “I do”.

I need to know now…

Who I am and who you want me to be, is it the same girl?

Do you find it okay to watch my insides hurt and twirl?

I love you, I really do. One day, maybe you’ll finally see.

I’ve loved you even the first time you broke me.

I still loved you, even the last time you made me cry for hours steadily.

I want us to be okay.

I’m not just saying that to get you to stay.

I know you’re tired, so am I.

My heart couldn’t take it though, if I found out any of this was just a lie.

You’ve made me feel euphoric radiance.

I’ve always regret the times I had to test your patience.

No matter how we push each other down, I can’t let this go.

I don’t know if I’m stupid. I really don’t know.

I want to hold it together, but I know that I’m falling apart.

I know that you see it and want to walk away. It’s okay, it’s hard to believe love is just a dying art.

I want to know if I’m really just mean and hateful.

I acknowledge my wrong doings, all the things that make me feel regretful.

You might not believe that I know when I mess things up. I know I’m not a perfect mate.

I admit, I fuck up a lot. I might have led you to see someone else on our first date.

You should know me by now and how I feel about you.

When you decide to say fuck it, I’m always panicked, not knowing what I’m going to do.

So tell me, what should I do? Should I change who I am, stay the same? Should I just wait for your cue?

All of the late nights we bruised and cried, I’m sorry for all that I am and all that I can be.

I’m sorry for all of the silent car rides, and all of your angry facial expressions on the phone that you wish I could see.

In all of the years, we’ve gone through happiness and beyond, even the times when we thought we belonged together, we really thought we knew. We’ve even gone through hell and even said a handful of times “fuck this, I’m through!”

I just want to let you know that no matter what’s happened between us, I appreciate it all. I really don’t want to see what a broken heart can really do.