Think of Me and Forget Me Not

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Running on a belt, going the distance but I’m still here.

Familiarity, close to home, the kind of things I want to keep near.

 Like every last drop of honey in a jar,  I’m stuck.

Come pull me out, come and get me. No? I must be love struck.

The last piece of the puzzle, so close, right there.

I know you’ll have no answers, no matter how deep I stare.

When I feel the urge to hate, it’s because I love a lot.

I’m running, huffing, out of breath with each night that passed and we fought.

I always think it’s just so damn simply put.

Each second passing, I’m hoping I won’t be brushed off like soot.

I delve deep into being an unnecessary, necessary article, pushed to the side.

We never really know if there are rules to follow for this, but it doesn’t matter… we never tend to abide.

Defiant, defiantly straight,

Shall I set down my foolishness and forget that it was ever fate?

My tongue is so numb, cotton mouth with every verbalized notion.

What’s killing us is the silent, natural erosion.

Emitting light at the end of the tunnel, so brightly set,

I’m hoping each struggling day together that we won’t regret the day we met.

It’s all like the nicotine I press between my pout, rising against my flesh,

We never end up realizing it’s all there, just hiding like when you’re looking through mesh.

A few small words can cause such a clatter.

Am I invisibly obnoxious? Do you see that I’m telling you what’s the matter?

A shot to the chest, a blow to the head is arising with defiance.

Were we wrong to think we would even make such an alliance?

Tell this girl, am I just a dumbfounded waste of time?

It’s too early in the morning, I can’t think, I can’t rhyme.

Do you walk away? So you pretend like it was never there?

It honestly shouldn’t  have taken all of these horrible nights to show me that you still care.

I just wanted to know if you still think of me the way you used to.

I can’t forget the first time you hooked me, telling me what you’d never do.

I remember the first time you kissed me, telling me you’ve been wanting to do it for quite some time.

I’ve always felt the safest with you, never knowing that my emotions were so naive, so reckless, how can my heart commit such a crime?

I feel like I’m the ringing in your ears, always there but always to be pretended like I wasn’t.

I’ve ran in circles, using up credit of new ideas to fix this. I really thought I found the way to make us work. To my dismay, it just terribly doesn’t.

Well, we let everything happen. I’d like to say it all just slipped through stiff fingers.

I’ve always been able to wait, no matter how many lingers.

These dense, matte lashes that I wear so beautifully, they’re like a natural train wreck on the canvas.

The tears are portals to an unspoken language. I’m hurting, I’m oh so envious.

This heart hurts. Will anyone come save me?

They say rely on yourself, but all of my decisions are like poison, so deadly.

We’re just a beautiful tragedy, playing in slow motion on the screen.

I’m longing for the days we can smile and feel ever so serene.

You are everything I cry about. You are everything I’ve always wanted and more.

I don’t know what it is about you. Even if the bolded words fall flat and crumble, in an instance, your face is the one I still adore.

It’s been a while now… I hope you still see me.

I’m standing right infront of you, do you have anything to say? Is there anything you want me to see? 

You’ve always told me to not let anyone, including you make me quit.

I’m still standing here, looking back at you from an undeniably frightening tar pit.
 
  I jump to these conclusions of heart pulling, a deafening slice.

It’s still just us, so talk to me. Tell me you want to throw this away… throw me away. Are a few small words really worth the price? 

You ask me if I think we’re going to last. You abruptly answer you don’t think so.

I always have the same answer: I honestly don’t know.

Have you given up? Have you thrown me away?

Maybe one day I’ll find the answers. Maybe I’ll realize one day…that I loved the wrong way. That’s the reason why you didn’t stay.

Dear Mr. The one who I gave everything to

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Whether I’m thick or thin, my bones protrude.

My heart spills out whether you’re nice or rude.

Do I need to hide it all away?

What’s the point if you made the decision to stay?

Stuck in a daze, I don’t know if I’m coming or going,

The broken pieces stay shredded, even if I decide to keep sewing.

Am I just that naive to keep going?

A bolt lock safe is no better than a mere chain locket.

Maybe I’ll forget today and stuff who I am into my pocket.

I know I’ll just vomit out the wrong words again tomorrow.

Then again, who really cares if what you call foolishness is really just sorrow?

I’m stuck inside of this jagged, protruding silhouette.

I can’t fly away. I’m just going to get tangled again inside of your net.

We’ve always known love wasn’t easy.

It doesn’t matter if all of your light hearted jokes stay cheesy.

Sorry is just a mass produced notion of regret.

Sometimes I don’t know if you mean it. Sometimes I just hope to forget.

I need to learn that not everyone can love the way you want.
I know that each time I fall deeper, I know I have mistaken your taunt.

Do you want me the way that I want you?

Am I just the dumb one between us, no matter how hard I cry, no matter what I do?

Each day I attempt to push myself to not frown.

Each memory, each thought, it just always pushes me down.

How do I forget the past?

Will I ever know if we’ll ever truly last?

I’ve loved you since before I was able to legally drink.

Now that I’m older, I’m intoxicated on something you can’t physically pour out into the kitchen sink.

I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.

I know each time I cry, you find the situation an absolute, repetitive bore.

My dear Mr… Did you know when we’re not sleeping next to each other, I push a pillow to my back to feel you there?

Did you know that when you’re gone, I count the time till the next text you’ll send to show me that you care?

Is it sad that I’m still hopeful about us?

Is it bad that I want you even when we fight and fuss?

Sometimes I hate feeling like I need you.

Sometimes I hate knowing you may never ask me to say “I do”.

I need to know now…

Who I am and who you want me to be, is it the same girl?

Do you find it okay to watch my insides hurt and twirl?

I love you, I really do. One day, maybe you’ll finally see.

I’ve loved you even the first time you broke me.

I still loved you, even the last time you made me cry for hours steadily.

I want us to be okay.

I’m not just saying that to get you to stay.

I know you’re tired, so am I.

My heart couldn’t take it though, if I found out any of this was just a lie.

You’ve made me feel euphoric radiance.

I’ve always regret the times I had to test your patience.

No matter how we push each other down, I can’t let this go.

I don’t know if I’m stupid. I really don’t know.

I want to hold it together, but I know that I’m falling apart.

I know that you see it and want to walk away. It’s okay, it’s hard to believe love is just a dying art.

I want to know if I’m really just mean and hateful.

I acknowledge my wrong doings, all the things that make me feel regretful.

You might not believe that I know when I mess things up. I know I’m not a perfect mate.

I admit, I fuck up a lot. I might have led you to see someone else on our first date.

You should know me by now and how I feel about you.

When you decide to say fuck it, I’m always panicked, not knowing what I’m going to do.

So tell me, what should I do? Should I change who I am, stay the same? Should I just wait for your cue?

All of the late nights we bruised and cried, I’m sorry for all that I am and all that I can be.

I’m sorry for all of the silent car rides, and all of your angry facial expressions on the phone that you wish I could see.

In all of the years, we’ve gone through happiness and beyond, even the times when we thought we belonged together, we really thought we knew. We’ve even gone through hell and even said a handful of times “fuck this, I’m through!”

I just want to let you know that no matter what’s happened between us, I appreciate it all. I really don’t want to see what a broken heart can really do.

Someday

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Yeah she smiles from time to time,

She laughs, she giggles, she’ll drink a corona with lime.

She’ll chill, she’ll make jokes, she can be your best friend.

She’s so smooth, she’s so cool, until everything in her world feels like it’s about to end.

When everything comes crashing down like a wave,

still no one realizes everything she gave.

She tries her hardest to understand,

she tries her hardest to take what you recommend,

but still there’s that feeling inside that takes a while to go away,

but deep down no matter how she acts, she just hopes you’ll decide to stay.

She’s so fucked in the head

but no one knows all about her past.

She’s been beaten down, her heart still healing in a cast.

When the sun rises and goes down,

it’s the same shit all over again.

But no one knows, no one knows, it’s about to begin.

When the tears fall from her doll like eyes,

she waits for a dramatic surprise

of bitching and cursing and being tortured inside.

Heart rate dropping, veins throbbing and then some more.

Seriously, you have no idea how this girl has been torn

Like salvation in the process, or a bandaid covering the wound

She needs you there, she needs you here, and that’s all you can do.

It hurts her when she knows there’s something wrong with you,

even if it’s not her, she feels what you feel

and still you don’t know what she goes through.

It happens all of a sudden,

it happens almost every day,

when she cries in silence in the corner, she doesn’t know what to say.

When you’re distant from her, she can feel the space in between.

All she wants is for you to treat her heart like a queen.

For once in her life make her feel like it’s not her fault

because you know she won’t take what you say with a grain of salt.

Her insides twisting and her stomach turning with each moment of silence

She needs anything besides being stared at by the audience.

Pay close attention, listen as close as possible

because every day in her life is another scene of mission impossible.

On the days that seem like she’s alright, she’s okay, 

just take that in consideration because those will be the best of your days,

when she’s slowing down, watch each and every phrase.

She’ll give up everything just as long as you give her a little of your time and attention

and if it’s not going through, just keep going, don’t put her feelings in detention.

She can shine brighter than anything you’ve ever seen.

She’d rather be the one hurt just so you can finally say “I know what you mean”.

She’s trying her hardest, if you still don’t have the heart to notice.

Be her knight, be her hero, be the one that gives her the most focus.

Be with her, kiss her, hug her, don’t leave her…

because the day you do, you’ll realize you’ll never be happy again either.

 

Sincerely, 

         Me ; Jade Monton. 

 

Versatile Blogger Award *Squeals* (obviously lengthy as hell)

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I’ve been nominated by Galaxy Star 7 for “The Versatile Blogger award”. I woke up to an email with her telling me I was at like 2am and I practically squealed and almost knocked my bf unconscious in excitement (no domestic violence here! haha). I’d like to personally thank you Galaxy Star 7 for all of the wonderful ideas you’ve given me for my nails as we share the same interest and styles<3

The official rules for TVBA is as follows:

If you are nominated, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award.

  •  Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
  •  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
  •  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!)
  •  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

I’ve copied and pasted this from the actual Versatile Blogger blog so if you’d like to check that out, go ahead!

As it states, choose 15 that I’ve recently discovered. As others may choose people that are relatively blog noobs like myself, I haven’t discovered newer noobs yet but will be on a mission to do so. However, the bloggers that I have chosen are people that I read on every day and have filled my hunger for daily reading. From poetry to fashion, they are my glass of southern sweet too (and don’t I love my sweet tea!).

My nominees are as follows:

  1. Fairy Tale Epidemic 
  2. Sand paper kisses
  3. Polish Fox 
  4. KirstyWirsty
  5. Words4jp
  6. Clouds N Cups
  7. Thrift Your Heart Out
  8. Harsh Reality
  9. Bunny and Pork Belly
  10. Rejoice For the Day
  11. Too Thrifty Chicks
  12. For the Love of Nike
  13. Retcon Poet
  14. Fashion for Lunch
  15. Andrew Duckworth

Ya’ll are awesome bloggers!<3 Everyone I’m following and everyone that’s been reading along my posts, ya’ll are the save button to my document :]

Now, it says to state 7 things about me… hmmm…Image

  1. I have a very fat dog that I love ever so dearly. Her name is Hershey like the choco company. She’s a tricolored bagel (basset beagle mix). Black-Dark chocolate, Brown-Milk chocolate & White-White chocolate. She’s one of the smartest dogs I’ve ever seen IRL lol. She’s a good guard dog, however I’m pretty sure if a robber had bacon in their pocket she’ll love them forever. This sounds weird but…I met Hershey online…I was younger and looking for a pet and saw her with a different name and everything. My local SPCA told us that another family wanted her. We kept checking up and the day the fam was supposed to take her, they never showed up and lo and behold it was meant to be<3 A lot of people call her Splinter San from TMNT because, well, aside from Snoopy, a mini calf, and pony, she sure as hell looks like Master Splinter haha. Anytime she hears loud noises and hears anyone yelling/fighting, she runs into an empty room until it’s quiet again. Yes, she HATES fighting! She also understands Tagalog alongside of English lol. She’s my PIC all of the time!

316080_2313071266992_385850_n She’s always part of my survival kit during our Virginia hurricanes lol

2. I’m Filipino mixed with JDM blood. A lot of people usually can’t tell what I am but then again I don’t generally look the same everyday depending on how I do up myself lol. People usually name every other asian when looking at me. I’ve even gotten a couple of discounts at other local asian stores for the simple fact that they thought I was one of them (shiiiiiiiit I ain’t complainin’!) I used to speak japanese when I was a kid because my mom’s mom was a japanese teacher back in the day however my japanese blood comes from my mom’s dad’s side. Tagalog was generally my first language and then english. I do not have a filipino accent however when I speak english.

3. I was born in Raleigh, North Carolina but about 3 days after I popped out we moved to Virginia Beach, Virginia. I’ve been here ever since and ain’t never moved anywhere else. As VA is still considered the south (and where murrica started), I randomly have a country accent that pops out when it likes to. A lot of people that talk to me on the phone and then see me in person always gives me funny looks when they realize I’m an asian girl with a southern twain haha.

4. When I have to call places to check hours and prices, I generally use a different voice when I speak JUST FOR THE FACT THAT I do NOT like it when people hear my actual voice in a store and realize that I’m the dumbass who called and depending on their moods that day, are shitty to me. Yes, I can do different voices lol. Call me weird but oh well.

5. 486637_4051617249555_685198460_nI grew up being surrounded by male friends and 2 brosephs. My oldest brother used to pay me in slurpees to help him fix his cars back in the day. He used to own a hatchi roku trueno (aka 1986 corolla) and an AE92 and he used to drift. Since I was around him so much, for my 15th birthday (you know a little later eligible for a permit) I got a Nissan 240sx s13 chuki hatchback. I then learned how to slide later on and even ended up with yet ANOTHER s13 zenki hatchback. Notice my Hello Kitty JDM driver’s badge decal and my Chanel purse, yes those were mine before I sold them for my Pathfinder haha. Although I miss my “car life”, I happen to enjoy my 4×4 when it’s shitty weather time. I also am a gamer. I love MMOs and FPSs. If I’m not out and about, I’m stuck on the computer grinding/farming. At the moment I’m playing an MMO called Tera Online.

33695_1637813785977_7294704_n yulul

I’m glad that I’ve acquired these guy likings. I have a wonderful boyfriend for years now that I have a lot in common with. We ended up talking to each other initially about cars and gaming and look, we went from friends to best friends and lovers. Although no relationship is perfect, we work pretty hard together. If you want something, you MUST work for it. We’re not perfect and no one else is either. .From today on, we’ll be discovering even more things together 🙂  It’s nice to share favorites and hobbies with people you love. I’ll save you in game and in real life anyday! ❤ you!

6. I FUCKING LOVE FOOD. I eat and cook ALL THE TIME. I honestly don’t give much of a damn if I look perfect in a bikini when I die. I seriously don’t. I’m healthy enough to be alive atm just the way I am and look fabulous in my outfits JUST THE WAY I AM. I mean, everyone wants to “tone up” sometimes but at this point, I think I’m alright. There are other people who are way skinner than me but couldn’t pull off looks that I can so HA. I started cooking by learning to make rice when I was like 5. My dad has been a teppanyaki chef since before I was born and I’ve been using chopsticks without the noob fix at the top with a rubber band for decades. I cook a plethora of food. American, Filipino, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Italian and the list goes on. I’m not really one to measure when I’m cooking either. I just go by flaaaavaaa and BAM I cook awesome shit. Btw, them cheeks you see in my pics? Yeah, even if I became anorexic, they will never go away.

7.482967_4071501026637_640659679_n  A lot of people wonder about that double outline star tattoo that I have on the left side of my chest. A lot of people also don’t know the story behind it. The 5 points of the star represent both of my parents ,my 2 siblings and I. The star itself represents the north star which “guides you home”. “Home is where the heart is” which is why it’s towards the left.  As inkers/inkees know, black is easiler lasered off. Blue is definitely not. No matter what happens to break us down (black ink), we’re still strong to be together no matter wtf happens (blue ink).I thank God each  and everyday for what I have instead of bitching about the crap I don’t.  So no guys, I did not get that tattoo to be a slut. If anyone wants to think that, let it be.

Well guys that’s all for my lengthy ass post! Thanks again to everyone reading! Now my sons and daughters…GO FORTH.

Nails,Nissan,Nike, No thrifting & love notes.

For the ones out there who do visit my posts, sorry for this late ass post! I haven’t really had much of a chance over the weekend to type anything up, however I did snap a few pics of what I’ve done lol (I always have time for pics!) -_- I just realized that I also missed my Sally’s Beauty club freebie! I had an email for a free $10.99 ORLY polish or treatment if I spent $3 (and I also had a $5 free coupon) D: aw damn!

The pic above is my friend’s nails. I did them the other night and as you can tell, it’s just a simple french with ring finger accents while holding a bottle. Yup, for you spritz enthusiasts that is a Bath and body works bottle in “Sparkling Blackerry Woods”. Shiet, I just realized how great their newer bottle shapes work for modeling nails!

Yeah, I got rid of my pokeball nails and swapped with these BUT I’m about to get rid of these too lol. Geebuz, I’m like ADHD with nails.

Speaking of pokeball…I made that card out of 3 pieces of construction paper and some elmer’s glue for my bf included for a Vday/Monthsary card 🙂

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And lastly, yesterday was one of our monthsaries (Every 10th as our anniversary date is October 10th, 2010), this is what we did. We sat on the driveway(Brown nike him, black nike me) doing things to his Xterra. This was our version of “quality time” along with dinner after we got all fresh and so clean clean. (lol don’t hate)

Again, sorry for the late ass posts! As for my thrifter friends, I haven’t been thrifting in 2 weeks! Ahh it’s been killin’ me! However, I’m making it a point to go this Wednesday so as soon as I do, I’ll let ya’ll know my finds if any 😀