Whether I’m thick or thin, my bones protrude.
My heart spills out whether you’re nice or rude.
Do I need to hide it all away?
What’s the point if you made the decision to stay?
Stuck in a daze, I don’t know if I’m coming or going,
The broken pieces stay shredded, even if I decide to keep sewing.
Am I just that naive to keep going?
A bolt lock safe is no better than a mere chain locket.
Maybe I’ll forget today and stuff who I am into my pocket.
I know I’ll just vomit out the wrong words again tomorrow.
Then again, who really cares if what you call foolishness is really just sorrow?
I’m stuck inside of this jagged, protruding silhouette.
I can’t fly away. I’m just going to get tangled again inside of your net.
We’ve always known love wasn’t easy.
It doesn’t matter if all of your light hearted jokes stay cheesy.
Sorry is just a mass produced notion of regret.
Sometimes I don’t know if you mean it. Sometimes I just hope to forget.
I need to learn that not everyone can love the way you want.
I know that each time I fall deeper, I know I have mistaken your taunt.
Do you want me the way that I want you?
Am I just the dumb one between us, no matter how hard I cry, no matter what I do?
Each day I attempt to push myself to not frown.
Each memory, each thought, it just always pushes me down.
How do I forget the past?
Will I ever know if we’ll ever truly last?
I’ve loved you since before I was able to legally drink.
Now that I’m older, I’m intoxicated on something you can’t physically pour out into the kitchen sink.
I don’t know what I’m saying anymore.
I know each time I cry, you find the situation an absolute, repetitive bore.
My dear Mr… Did you know when we’re not sleeping next to each other, I push a pillow to my back to feel you there?
Did you know that when you’re gone, I count the time till the next text you’ll send to show me that you care?
Is it sad that I’m still hopeful about us?
Is it bad that I want you even when we fight and fuss?
Sometimes I hate feeling like I need you.
Sometimes I hate knowing you may never ask me to say “I do”.
I need to know now…
Who I am and who you want me to be, is it the same girl?
Do you find it okay to watch my insides hurt and twirl?
I love you, I really do. One day, maybe you’ll finally see.
I’ve loved you even the first time you broke me.
I still loved you, even the last time you made me cry for hours steadily.
I want us to be okay.
I’m not just saying that to get you to stay.
I know you’re tired, so am I.
My heart couldn’t take it though, if I found out any of this was just a lie.
You’ve made me feel euphoric radiance.
I’ve always regret the times I had to test your patience.
No matter how we push each other down, I can’t let this go.
I don’t know if I’m stupid. I really don’t know.
I want to hold it together, but I know that I’m falling apart.
I know that you see it and want to walk away. It’s okay, it’s hard to believe love is just a dying art.
I want to know if I’m really just mean and hateful.
I acknowledge my wrong doings, all the things that make me feel regretful.
You might not believe that I know when I mess things up. I know I’m not a perfect mate.
I admit, I fuck up a lot. I might have led you to see someone else on our first date.
You should know me by now and how I feel about you.
When you decide to say fuck it, I’m always panicked, not knowing what I’m going to do.
So tell me, what should I do? Should I change who I am, stay the same? Should I just wait for your cue?
All of the late nights we bruised and cried, I’m sorry for all that I am and all that I can be.
I’m sorry for all of the silent car rides, and all of your angry facial expressions on the phone that you wish I could see.
In all of the years, we’ve gone through happiness and beyond, even the times when we thought we belonged together, we really thought we knew. We’ve even gone through hell and even said a handful of times “fuck this, I’m through!”
I just want to let you know that no matter what’s happened between us, I appreciate it all. I really don’t want to see what a broken heart can really do.